


U.S.S. Enterprise's Worst Kept Secret

by Felurian



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, It's so fluffy I don't know what happened, M/M, Minor Spock/Nyota Uhura, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Secret Relationship, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 22:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12691398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felurian/pseuds/Felurian
Summary: Jim and Bones have been in a secret relationship for weeks. They're certain that no one on the deck of Enterprise knows about them - but they're wrong. Everyone knows. They just want to see who slips up first.





	U.S.S. Enterprise's Worst Kept Secret

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so this is my first time writing for trek ever and it was scary as hell. but also super fun! anyway, this story is nothing but fluff and humor and when i say that, i mean it. if you're here for angst or any kind of seriousness, well, you won't find it here :')

Jim hums appreciatively at the feel of a trail of open-mouthed kisses being left on his neck. He tugs lightly on Bones' hair, who's currently preoccupied with letting his hands roam all over Jim's body - not that he's complaining - and smirks when he hears a quiet groan.

"We gotta stop meeting like this," he whispers, pulling his partner up, their eyes meeting. Jim stifles a giggle at the sight of Bones' mussed hair and dazed expression.

"Like what?" he asks, dipping in for a kiss and successfully swallowing Jim's reply. His mouth moves slowly against Jim's, Bones' tongue running teasingly across his lower lip and _damn it_ , bastard knows exactly how to make him feel like some kind of a horny teenager.

"In my ready room. In your office," Jim manages to say between the kisses but his words seem to be lost on Bones.

Suddenly, Jim feels the feather-light touch of his hand underneath his golden shirt, fingers dancing ever so slowly along his spine. He shivers involuntarily, arching into the touch.

"Why?" Bones asks, innocently. There's nothing innocent about the way he stares at him, hazel eyes burning, a smile tugging at his pink lips.

"Because," Jim starts, trying to ignore the ministrations of his partner's hand across his bare skin, "someone could find us. And then _you_ would have to tell them the truth about our relationship."

Bones snorts, stilling.

"What? Why the hell me?"

"You're the responsible one. And no one would believe me. They'd probably think I took advantage of you," Jim says, only half-joking.

Maybe his antics of sleeping around have stopped after Academy, but that doesn't mean that his reputation left him. He has no doubt that should their relationship become public knowledge - which he really yearns for, actually, but in a right time - some people would think that he's simply using Bones. While he may have the opinion of the grumpiest CMO ever, it's no secret that the crew likes him. A lot. When he's not yelling at them for being a bunch of incompetent buffoons, of course.

He means well, though, even in his insults.

"Took advantage of me, huh," Bones says, amusement clear on his face. But Jim just nods, serious. "Such a terrible fate has fallen upon me. To be a seduced by a Starfleet captain..."

"Oh, shut it," Jim cuts in and Bones lets out a short laugh. He doesn't really laugh, not often at least, and the sound goes straight to Jim's belly, warmth spreading through his limbs. God, how he loves that sound, how he wishes he could hear it every day of his life.

Bones' expression turns more serious and he puts his hand on Jim's face, his thumb stroking his cheekbone.

"Look, kid. No one has taken advantage of anyone, alright?" He speaks, his voice so _earnest_ and Jim can't help the smile spreading on his lips. Bones wears his heart on the sleeve, even if he tries to mask it with acting like an ass sometimes.  "If I recall correctly, we both made that decision. And it was me who came to your quarters, not the other way around."

There's something about the way that Bones says that, besides his honesty, that's just so _him_. So good, old, Southern-gentleman Bones and Jim feels like it should be illegal to love someone this much but there he is, body pressed against his, fresh smell of cologne and medbay enveloping him.

Instead of replying with words, he chooses to kiss him. It's kind of unexpected and their noses bump into each other, drawing a surprised yelp from Bones but Jim just smiles against his lips, pulling him closer. Despite his initial surprise, Bones quickly catches on, pressing Jim into his desk, his other hand snaking around his waist as his teeth tug on his bottom lip, nipping playfully. Jim moans quietly, close to hiking his leg around Bones' hip when the comm comes to life.

"Bridge to captain Kirk. Your presence is required."

They part reluctantly and Jim lets out a shaky breath, giving Bones a quick look-over. His lips are swollen, dark hair sticking in every direction, the collar of his shirt crooked and- yeah, he looks like he just spent last fifteen minutes snogging his captain, there's no question about that.

Jim is pretty sure he doesn't look better himself, either.

"So much for the break," Bones mutters, letting Jim move past him to the mirror. He begins to quickly fix his appearance, combing hair with his fingers.

"I'll make it up to you after the shift," Jim says, winking at his partner. "Now, I'm afraid, the duty calls."

He gives Bones a quick peck on the lips and is almost at the door when a thought strikes him.

"Be sure to make yourself look presentable before leaving, doctor. Wouldn't want anyone to suspect something, would we now?"

With a devilish smile, he's gone, catching one last look at Bones just in time to see him rolling his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

The quick make-out session in the CMO's office is the first event after which Bones notices that things are getting... a little weird.

He waits a quarter of an hour before emerging out of his room, making sure he's looking all professional and serious, his shirt straightened and hair back in order - as much as his hair can be, because it seems to find a life of its own twenty minutes after he combs it every single time. When he steps into the medbay, he's not exactly glaring at anyone but he also makes sure not to smile, just in case. All in all, Bones thinks that he's doing a quite good job at pretending he did not just spend his break on making out with his captain like some kid.

That is until Nurse Chapel comes up to him with a smile on her face that's a little different than usual, though he can't quite put his finger on what's so odd about it.

"Doctor McCoy," she greets him, that damned smile still there and Bones begins to wonder whether he just entered some alternate reality. Sure, Christine is sweet but she's not _this_ sweet. At least not towards him - their relationship is more of a constant bickering and complaining (though the latter comes mostly from him).

"Yes, nurse?" He asks, for some unknown reason nervous under her scrutinizing gaze. 

"There's cadet Jameson in the backroom, he suffered some burns from an explosion in the engineering. I put him under the dermal regenerator but I thought you might want to take a look at him," she says with that unnerving smile.

Bones only nods, ready to escape from the way too smug looking Chapel.

"Oh, and doctor?" She stops him from walking away, using the tone she always does to calm down a patient who's waiting for a hypospray injection.

"Yes?"

"I trust your meeting with the captain was fruitful."

Bones almost chokes upon hearing her words and suddenly, he's overly aware of the fact that every single pair of eyes in the medbay seems to be focused on him. There are about ten alarms going off in his head right now, all of them bright red.

He croaks out, strangled, "what?"

Christine is looking at him in a way that one would look at a child who doesn't understand how much is two plus three. He begins to wonder who's the goddamn boss here.

"Your meeting with the captain, sir. It was successful, I hope?"

He feels sweat trickle down his back. What the _hell_.

Bones gapes at her, looking like some kind of idiot for sure and opens his mouth to say something, only to close it again. Christine, on the other hand, looks like she's thoroughly enjoying this.

"Sir?"

"I'm- yes. Yes, it was... successful," he manages to say.

Christine nods. "That's good to hear. You told him that we could use another staff member during next supply pickup?"

Bones is pretty sure she never actually even mentioned it before. Did she? He thinks he would have remembered such a request. Besides, they're doing just fine with the current staff and he'd rather not got through another dozen of files to find a qualified nurse.

He was definitely too pre-occupied during his _meeting_ with Jim to remember it anyway.

"Naturally," he lies. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a patient to look after."

Somehow, Bones manages to regain his confidence and strides past her. He doesn't miss the twinkle in her eyes.

Seriously, what the hell.

 

* * *

 

 

Usually, Jim doesn't pay much attention to the crew gossiping. God knows that spending months on a starship without a shore leave can get boring, so a little gossip, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, isn't something that he really minds. He'd be lying if he said he doesn't find some of the rumours enjoyable. Or that he sometimes listens to whatever juicy news yeoman Rand has heard. For the well-being of his crew, of course.

So, maybe, Jim is a bit of a gossip himself. What he's not accustomed to, however, is people keeping it from him. Naturally, with him being the captain, there's been a fair amount of gossip about him over the years but... The secrecy around it didn't last long as the crew quickly learned that he really didn't care about it and if you wanted to know something about captain Kirk, you should just come up and ask, simple like that. Besides, most of the stuff people came up with was pretty hilarious.

When he emerges from the turbolift onto the bridge to notice some people falling silent as they scramble to their posts upon his sight, he's feeling kind of suspicious. Uhura nods at him from over her station with a smirk, which only adds to the strangeness factor.

"What's the emergency, mister Spock?" Jim asks as he sits on the captain's chair, deciding to ignore his crew's behaviour. For now.

"We've received a distress call, captain. Unknown origin," Spock reports, calm as always. It's a relief to see that at least his first officer is acting normally - not that there are many things which can make him weird, anyways.

Except maybe for the Vulcan-mating-thing and chocolate. 

"Have you tried establishing contact?" he asks, turning to Uhura.

She shakes her head. "I tried to hail them, sir, but they're out of range."

"I see. Well then, set a course straight to the source, mister Sulu."

"Setting course, sir."

Jim glances over to Sulu, only to have his attention taken by Chekov. He's hunched over his console, the view of his face obstructed, but even from his chair, Jim can see the redness of his ears. Granted, the kid gets flustered so easily it's kind of adorable, but he doesn't see the reason for Pavel to be embarrassed now. This is something worth investigating for sure.

Once Spock finishes briefing him on the distress call and they're safely flying towards its source, Jim decides to leave his post and chat with Uhura. While she may not appear to actively be in the gossip mill, she also knows about every goddamn thing on the ship. It's equally impressive and terrifying.

"So, Uhura," he begins, leaning against her console. She raises one eyebrow but doesn't acknowledge him otherwise. Jim thinks she's spending too much time with Spock. "Heard anything interesting lately?"

"I don't see how that's relevant to our current mission," she replies without missing a beat, "captain."

Her deflecting the topic only piques Jim's interest. Usually, she shares the news with him right off the bat.

"Why, I'm concerned about the crew, naturally. A good captain has to know what's going on, doesn't he?" He flashes her a dazzling smile when she finally looks at him. Nyota rolls her eyes at the sight.

"Nothing worth telling," she says with a shrug.

Jim frowns. He wonders, briefly, whether people are gossiping about him and Bones - but why would they? It's not like it's unusual for him to meet up with his friend during breaks or hang out in their free time. He's pretty certain that they're doing a damn good job at hiding their relationship from them.

"Really? No juicy bits?"

She cringes at his choice of words but there's a shadow of a smile on her lips.

"I'm afraid so."

"That's... unfortunate," he sighs. "Would you mind telling me why poor Chekov is looking like a tomato, at least?"

For a second, Nyota looks a little like she did when he accidentally walked in on her making out with Spock - for the second time - which means she's slightly embarrassed but has her head up with pride. How she manages to look so dignified in every situation, Jim has no idea.

"I suppose you should ask Chekov himself, captain," she smiles slyly.

Jim groans because there's no way that the kid will tell him _anything_ and he doesn't want to torture him in front of everyone on the bridge, anyway. "You're playing dirty," he whines.

Nyota chuckles and shakes her head. "Sorry, sir. Can't help you."

He walks away, feeling both defeated and determined to find out what the hell is going on. If he has to corner Chekov after the end of his shift... well, so be it. Captain Kirk doesn't give up easily, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

"I'm telling you, he knows that _we_ know."

"Well, I'm not sure about the captain, but McCoy seemed pretty nervous when I talked to him."

"Keptin alvays knows everything."

"Your confidence in him is sweet, Pavel, but he has no idea we're onto them. He's too confident to think we could have figured it out already."

"I agree with you on that one, lass. They're clever bastards but really oblivious sometimes."

"What's going on here?"

"Nothing, mister Spock, absolutely nothing."

"Get back to your posts, then."

"Yes, sir!"


End file.
